So, this is weird. As you might have guessed from the title of this here blog entry, I’m going to be on “The Dr. Oz Show” this Monday (the afternoon show — he apparently also has a morning show, says my Grandma, who loves Dr. Oz a tiny bit more than she loves me). I’ll discuss the story behind this television appearance a bit more on tomorrow’s podcast (Episode 125 — where has time gone?), but, in short, it goes like this:
Excitingly, I’m going to be on the episode that features Dr. Joel Fuhrman (remember him from our podcast?). Dr. Fuhrman –– whom Mariann and I adore in mildly inappropriate ways — is the genius behind the whole-foods-based Eat to Live plan, and has skyrocketed to success (well, he was doing pretty well already) after last year’s wildly popular PBS special (which, oddly, I find on TV every single time I am in a hotel flipping through channels… it’s like Fuhrman is right there in the hotel room with me). Rumor has it that Oz approached Fuhrman after the success of that special, and asked him to come on the show.
At some point in there, Fuhrman’s “people” sent out a mass email asking for women between the ages of 25-55 (check! I’m 32) who had lost more than 50 pounds (double check! I’ve lost 91 pounds) following his plan, for consideration for the episode. I replied and, using my passive-aggressive charm, carbon copied Fuhrman. Within 15 minutes, a producer at the show telephoned — a call that wound up being one of about 10 leading up to my appearance. Because — ding ding! They chose me! I plotzed.
Long story (so not) short, I wound up on a segment with 2 other women — Susan and Emily — who are the kindest souls I’ve met in a long while. Not to ruin my TV bit or anything, since I obviously want you to watch (and I obviously also want my bunny ears to pick up the signal so that I, too, can tune in), but I did get to talk about veganism (briefly, I mean BRIEFLY, but hey…), and I got to talk about my other passion, too: nutritional yeast!
Since I am already getting questions from people, many of which are the same, here are the answers to your questions (as well as a few other Little Known Facts about my experience on “The Dr. Oz Show”):
- I had to remove all of my piercings for the taping. That equals 9. In other news, it cost $65 to get the jewelry put back in the next day, but I digress…
- No, I did not get to talk about Our Hen House. I was even provided with a loose script based on conversations I’d had with the producer, and I had to mostly stick to that (yet, see bullet point #1: I got to talk about veganism, which, btw, was not in the script — and we’ll see if it even makes the cutting room floor).
- I wore a long-sleeve blazer to cover my arm tattoos, but since the tattoo poked out a little bit near my hand, they had to cover it with heavy-duty make-up. (Apparently Dr. Oz’s viewers have never seen a tattoo before, and surely none of them — gasp! — have one!) They had to also put the same make-up on my non-tattooed hand, so that the colors of my hands matched. To make a long story (not) short (enough), my fingers, palms, and knuckles quickly turned grey-blue. It was a heavy duty allergic reaction to match my heavy-duty stage make-up. They quickly removed it, but some make-up bits lingered, and a few hours later my throat got all full-feeling and weird, and I had to practically OD on Benadryl. But I survived. (Imagine if Dr. Oz had to resuscitate me? Grandma would’ve had a seizure.)
- They didn’t use my last name — which is SINGER in case you’re curious! — but they did spell Jasmin correctly (btw, thanks, Mom, for that missing “e”…. it hasn’t been AT ALL annoying to constantly say “no ‘e'”).
- No, I don’t have a television deal. I was not discovered. (Note: This bullet point was specifically meant for Mom.)
- Dr. Oz is actually really nice. But, inexplicably, his coffee stand thing doesn’t offer soy milk (nor rice, oat, hemp, flax, almond…)! Only oppressed milk! Very bad, Dr. Oz. Even Grandma doesn’t approve. (Not to mention the cows.)
- In a tragic turn of events, a few days after the taping, I was told that the episode was a whopping (and unheard-of) 16 minutes over, and that they were plucking pieces from the middle of the segments — which is where I fit. I was, they told me, going to be cut. I got drunk at The Cubby Hole, bought a new computer (which, okay, I was planning on buying anyway, but the story goes better with an impulse buy), and threw away my free giveaway Dr. Oz mug (take THAT, Oz!). But then a few days ago, I was told that I WAS BRILLIANT AND THEY COULDN’T POSSIBLY LEAVE ME OUT! Actually, I was told that they didn’t think the segment worked with only 2 people, so I’m in… though I imagine my spiel will be heavily cut.
- I want my mug back now. (I liked the handle.)
- The day before the taping, I got a very dykey haircut. On purpose.
Have I left anything out? Oh yes. My episode airs this Monday, June 4, on Fox. Here in NYC, that’s at 4:00 p.m., but check your local listings for your area’s specific time. And since I: a) only have bunny ears on my “TV” (which is really a computer monitor), and b) am still living in 1987 in my head, and have not progressed beyond that in most capacities, if you are able to figure out how to record it to a DVD and actually physically send it to me in the mail (no, I cannot come over and watch your Tivo, despite the fact that I’m sure you are lovely), I would be much obliged!
Hopefully, the next time I am on national TV, I will be able to use my last name, talk all about Our Hen House, educate folks about the horrors of factory farming and the deliciousness of veganism, and leave my face jewelry and my tattoos intact. But, for now, it was — I’ve gotta admit it — a fun time in Oz.